In the beginning everything was dark. I was alone inside this vast blackness and was filled with pain and fear. I had no idea what had happened to me or how to resolve it. I was truly and utterly lost.
At times however, small flickers of light would pierce this void giving me direction and hope. And so I just kept stumbling forward . . .
In time I realized that each of these tiny pinpoints of light were gifts . . . pieces of the puzzle I was trying to reconstruct. The picture was different though than I had remembered and very confusing . . . some of the pieces did not fit . . . many were and are still missing. But each was a unique light that helped me make my way through the darkness . . . the doctor with the expertise and willingness to help me . . . knowledge and passion in areas never before considered . . . awareness and insight of my life's purpose . . . deeper commitment to those I love . . .
Of all the precious gifts I received, the most profound has been developing a relationship with God. I have always had the kind of faith that tends to wax and wane with the seasons of ones life, but I have never felt His presence more personally than in these last few challenging years. When I was dying in the chamber, I found myself cradled in a tenderness that would not let me go. When I could not get medical help after returning to the states, I found just enough strength to keep searching. When I had no clue or direction, I found just enough light and courage to persist. God helped me discover that without a doubt there was a purpose for my life that I had not yet found . . . a reason that I had lived. He opened my eyes and saved me from myself. And that is the motivation for this journey.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found . . .
was blind but now I see!"
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